Lord please grant me Wisdom

to understand, or if not, please please grant me the serenity and grace to accept all the stuff that's happening. 'Coz i cannot seem to understand.

He said why do you keep texting and spending time on the phone? Then the realisation hit me that it's because I just don't enjoy his company, so i'm turning elsewhere for comfort. I'm scared that i'm feeling this way. But the fact is, I am. 

We are so different. We hold beliefs so different from each other. E.g.

• I would do pretty damn much for a friend; but he asks "What, your friends don't have other friends to count on? Why do YOU have to go 'layan' everyone?" 
• Success is a measure of how content one is, in every aspect of life, to me. But no, apparently success should be measured by the amount of money we earn. Because who isn't happy with money.
• Hmm. And let's not even get into the whole racism thing. 

Dug up this old draft from many months ago, back in 2010. I do have a somewhat better understanding of it, but more importantly, I am a lot more accepting and much less resentful now. I guess I let that few differences cloud up my ability to see that we have a lot of other things in common. 

Thank You Lord. =)

Stagnant

Like water in dried up flower pots where mosquitoes breed. Hahaha. It's been a very long time since I've posted anything. My excuse, I've been way too busy living life, and not writing about it. =P

Sadly though, one things always, always brings me back here. It's when I'm feeling particularly down and out. Guess this time's no different. Things have been far from boring since I got home. (That used to be my biggest fear before I started my 6-month training in a small and quiet town. Well, fate has different things in store for me.) Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm still undecided.

Currently stuck in a Cornelian dilemma. And hating it.

Although I have a tendency to run away from problems I don't like, I wouldn't leave them unsolved for too long. Because it would bug me and haunt me for as long as it's still there. And now that there is a situation I would really want to iron out, I can't seem to find a permanent solution that's satisfactory. C'est la vie. But at the same time, life is what you make it. Hmmm.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

Thy will, not mine be done.

Red Alert! Lappie Down!

"What?", you ask?

You heard right. No Internet for me 'coz my dear little laptop's not feeling well.
Her wireless hardware has um, broken loose? fried itself? ran away? I don't know. And neither do the 2 techies I've brought her to. =(

They asked me to bring her to a professional but that's probably going to take over 2 days! How would she survive a night without me?!! Sigh. But it is for her own good. And for mine. I'm DYING without PS... Hehehe!

So yeah, total silence for me in cyber world until my lappie sees the doctor. Thank God E said I could use her lappie whenever. =D

PS = Pet society

I Only Did What I Though Was Best...

and the next thing I knew,
PLOP...

Tigress, rest in peace...

I miss you...

Go Away... PLEASE!

It is an open sore inside the oral cavity.
Once formed, it may be maintained by inflammation and/or secondary infection.
The ominous oral ulcer.

Symptoms

The symptoms preceding it may vary according to the cause of the ulcerative process.

Some oral ulcers may begin with a sharp stinging or burning sensation at the site of the future mouth ulcer. In a few days, they often progress to form a red spot or bump, followed by an open ulcer. Sometimes this takes a little bit longer, depending on the cause of the ulcer.

The oral ulcer appears as a white or yellow oval with an inflamed red border. Sometimes a white circle or halo around the lesion can be observed. The grey, white, or yellow coloured area within the red boundary is due to the formation of layers of fibrin, a protein involved in the clotting of blood. The ulcer, which itself is often extremely painful, especially when agitated, may be accompanied by a painful swelling of the lymph nodes below the jaw, which can be mistaken for toothache.

Causes

There are many processes which can lead to ulceration of the oral tissues. In some cases they are caused by an overreaction by the body's own immune system.

Factors that appear to provoke mouth ulcers include:

• stress
• fatigue
• illness
• injury from accidental biting
• hormonal changes
• menstruation
• sudden weight loss
• food allergies
• deficiencies in vitamin B12, iron and folic acid.

I think my current condition fulfills almost half of the listed factors.. =(

Treatment

Treatments based on antibiotics and steroids are reserved for severe cases, and should be used only under medical supervision.

Some doctors may also prescribe a local anaesthetic, such as lidocaine, for cases of multiple or severe oral ulcers.

Some people benefit from using the over-the-counter topical gel Bonjela, which contains choline salicylate -- choline salicylate is a local analgesic that helps to reduce the pain and inflammation associated with oral ulcers.

But personally, I recommend SANJIN Watermelon Frost in powder form. Significantly less painful than Bonjela and direct salt applications. =)

Much thanks to a friend who introduced this to me when I really couldn't take the pain anymore...

UNappreciated, UNwelcomed

There are some things in the world that just turns me off faster than you can say well,
"what a turn off".
I have always liked to think of myself as a cheerful, ever smiling, bundle of joy but hey, even joy-filled bundles have nerves susceptible to certain irritable prodding.

Me, I cannot stand it when:
I try to help and get pushed aside.
What's the deal? I was just trying to be a kind soul making your life easier but there you go and spoil my mood.
Warning: To all people who really prefer to do some things alone, PLEASE tell any kind thoughtful interferer who only wanted to help to go away POLITELY. Do us all a favour and not contribute to another scowl on this smile-deprived world we live in.
Thank you.

A VERY hot afternoon...

Stupid = ME

I'm sorry I hurt you over and over again.
I'm sorry I don't think.
I'm sorry I disappoint you so much.
Especially in the last few days...

I know 'sorry's are not enough.
But all I can do now is try to make you see I'll try to make it all stop.
Then maybe I won't have to hurt you so much anymore.
And not hurt myself.

I'm sorry...

Though you said you've heard enough, how else can I tell you I regret what I did?
It was NOT on purpose. It was an ACCIDENT. I didn't realise it was him there...

I know it hurts. I'm hurting too.

At least you can put all the blame on me.
And me? I feel the blame is on me too. So it hurts even more 'coz all I want to do is hit myself.

Forgive me... But I know things will be different now.

Where's my happy ending...

=(

10th November 2008

Two records today:

1. The longest you had to wait for me.

2. The first time we didn't eat together.

=(

ONE BAD THING

It’s funny how all the good fades away when just one bad thing rears its head in our faces. It’s just so easy to forget all the happy moments and just put all thought and attention on this ONE BAD THING.

At least that’s how it is for me. ONE BAD THING and I can’t seem to do anything else. Especially when it concerns the people and things I care about. ONE BAD THING and there goes any hope of me focusing on anything other than that ONE BAD THING.

Weird isn’t it? I don’t understand it. I wish I did. Then maybe I’d be able to stop myself from doing it and maybe even teach that trick to a few people who happen to share this tiny problem with me. Life would be so much better for us. =]

Silence

I hate it when you don't respond to me.
I hate the silence when your heart is closed from mine.