Conflicted

Alamak. I have to allocate a budget for the number of emo posts I'm allowing myself in a week! And definitely none back-to-back.

 But today, I guess I just need an avenue to 'release'.

The day started out pretty good. It was NOT difficult to get out of bed. I did NOT fall asleep during class. The assignment topic was finally pretty much approved. I got the book I've been waiting for.

 

 Then comes a phone call that's supposed to make my day even more cheery and sun-shiny but on the contrary, it brought about the opposite effect with the deliverance of not-so-great news. But I thought, I can't let this pull me down after such a great start to the day! And so I set off on a personal quest to distract myself from whatever negativity that was threatening to swallow me whole.

 

Not sure if it's working but I'm not wallowing in my mud-hole i.e. you're not reading a whole bunch of censored out expletives. So that's a good sign. =)

Now, I think I owe it to myself to:

1. go back to my journals, preparing for exams and the mountain-high pile of assignments. 
2. come back to this trusty lil blog whenever I can. =)

Lord please grant me Wisdom

to understand, or if not, please please grant me the serenity and grace to accept all the stuff that's happening. 'Coz i cannot seem to understand.

He said why do you keep texting and spending time on the phone? Then the realisation hit me that it's because I just don't enjoy his company, so i'm turning elsewhere for comfort. I'm scared that i'm feeling this way. But the fact is, I am. 

We are so different. We hold beliefs so different from each other. E.g.

• I would do pretty damn much for a friend; but he asks "What, your friends don't have other friends to count on? Why do YOU have to go 'layan' everyone?" 
• Success is a measure of how content one is, in every aspect of life, to me. But no, apparently success should be measured by the amount of money we earn. Because who isn't happy with money.
• Hmm. And let's not even get into the whole racism thing. 

Dug up this old draft from many months ago, back in 2010. I do have a somewhat better understanding of it, but more importantly, I am a lot more accepting and much less resentful now. I guess I let that few differences cloud up my ability to see that we have a lot of other things in common. 

Thank You Lord. =)

Turbulence & Turmoil

Both are words full of activity, full of life. (Though not very positive.)

Both words describing my inner state of mind. 

Where's my inner peace gone? =(

2010

Has certainly been an interesting one.
In fact, the cekap-ness began since I came back from Sabah. Hahaha. December 2009 has been one of the most amazingly everntful breaks I've ever had. But like most stories, it's not without its down moments. Hmmm. That's another story for another day. =]

Only 9 days into the new year and already, I feel like there's been so many changes, so many new (and not so new but forgotten) discoveries.
Both pleasant and unpleasant. But I believe the Bad stuff all happen for a reason. For one thing, I know I've grown so much from facing them in the past. This is only gonna make me stronger! =)

Wish I could post pictures and all up, but I still do not have an Internet connection from home. Currently 'borrowing' anyone and everyone's laptop I can find to have a lil pity on this Internet-less girl.

Will update when I finally get that Internet at home. =)

Happy Industrial Training all third year SSMP-ians!

And I'm still in shock over the church burnings. Stupid people. As if that's gonna help anyone resolve anything. Bodoh idiots.

Finals!!!

A total of 4 papers in a span of 32 hours.
And only 1 day, 6 hours and 22 minutes more to go.



Arghhh!

Of wounds, blood, & trust

How often have we seen this particular scene on the screen:-

Boy meets Girl,
Boy gets a scratch on his knee (probably while trying to save Girl),
Boy & Girl finds a first aid box at his place/her place/some quiet playground and tends to his wound,
Boy looks at Girl in wonder at her gentleness (I'm just guessing though.. I'm actually not sure what a guy would think at this point),
Girl looks up, they lock eyes, and ta-dah!

They fall in love...

The real point behind this little story is to point out the trust Boy would need to have to allow Girl to tend to his wound. I mean, would you let a total stranger deal with your raw and extremely painful flesh? What if she screws up and forgets to clean your wound properly before bandaging it? That would probably lead to a very nasty infection and well, more pain on your part. =S

Of course it could just be that Boy was already super infatuated with Girl and hence would allow her to do practically anything to him.

But that aside, in reality I think you would find it pretty accurate if I made a general statement saying that you only allow people you trust to help you, in the more serious matters. Correct?

So when you do NOT allow someone to help you, it would have to be because you do not trust that person right?

That's what came to me one fine day when I was not allowed to help. =(

Accounts

= RUBBISH

UNappreciated, UNwelcomed

There are some things in the world that just turns me off faster than you can say well,
"what a turn off".
I have always liked to think of myself as a cheerful, ever smiling, bundle of joy but hey, even joy-filled bundles have nerves susceptible to certain irritable prodding.

Me, I cannot stand it when:
I try to help and get pushed aside.
What's the deal? I was just trying to be a kind soul making your life easier but there you go and spoil my mood.
Warning: To all people who really prefer to do some things alone, PLEASE tell any kind thoughtful interferer who only wanted to help to go away POLITELY. Do us all a favour and not contribute to another scowl on this smile-deprived world we live in.
Thank you.

A VERY hot afternoon...

Raya "Hols"

It's day 1 of the one-week break.
Alone.
Yay.
Was stuck at home the whole day.
6 assignments, 4 lab reports.
Nowhere to go. But worst, no one to go nowhere with.

I wish I were back home in MY room.

I wish I could see his smile instead of a "=)" on my phone.